so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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