paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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