I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
