i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
