Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
