I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
