I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
