Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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