I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The power of my boobs compel you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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