Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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