I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
