we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
