oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
how does that bad decision feel?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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