A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
