New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
