in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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