If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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