Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
