people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
