Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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