ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
