I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
