you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
