I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
