Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
