You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
