My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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