soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
