Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i think im in europe. pls send help
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
