Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
