Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think your dad took our porno
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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