you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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