I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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