woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
