The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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