capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
