I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
