oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
