the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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