You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
