just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
