FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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