It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Panties = found
Randomize
