But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
