Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
