sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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