Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize