yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
