PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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