worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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