My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
