This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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