i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
