i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
