just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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