the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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