Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
