Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
