I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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