Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
