I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
