the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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