Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
