Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
