either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
