the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
