dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
