I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
