no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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