I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
