Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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