i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
