we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
