while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
